The Worst of 2004

Torque, one of the worst movies of 2004.

Eric:
Where as, there were some great children's movies in 2004; there were also some incredibly awful ones. Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London played so down to its audience that it was less exciting than an episode of the Telly Tubbies. Just because it is a children's movie does not mean it has to be made by children. Oh, come on! No adult could have possibly written that crap.

As bad as Cody Banks is, it is still not the worst kids movie of 2004. That honor goes to the irresponsible Catch That Kid. Not only is this movie boring, it also makes no sense. It's worse crime however, is that this children's movie actually encourages children to steal and emotionally manipulate people.

Although it made some money, A Shark Tale basically sucks. Neither of my kids enjoyed it liked they did other family movies this year. Neither has asked that we buy it on DVD when it comes out, as they have for the other movies. It has plenty of movie star voices but a completely forgettable plot.

Speaking of movie star voices, Will Smith demonstrated this year with A Shark Tale and I, Robot that he has created an amazing career based almost entirely on personality. Although he did some decent acting in Ali, Smith's work this year was simply Smith doing his stock character; the wise ass.

Scott:
Children weren’t the only ones who suffered in 2004; adults were offered some pretty crappy movies as well.

Way back on January 12th, 2004, I predicted that Torque would be the worst movie of the year, but I guess that was just me being optimistic. While that motorcycle accident of a movie was truly bad, it was just a sample of things to come.

There were some major studio releases that gave blockbusters a bad name this past year. Van Helsing turned out to be an exercise in computer-generated animation mixed with cardboard cutouts of the normally good Kate Beckinsale and Hugh Jackman. Halle Berry proved that not all cats have nine lives as she killed any chance of their being a sequel to Catwoman. And Garfield was another cat movie that should have been drowned in a sack. King Arthur managed to suck all of the magic out that timeless tale.

Christmas brought two truly bad yuletide tales. Both Surviving Christmas and Christmas with the Kranks proved that it’s harder than it looks to create a holiday classic.

All of those movies though, pale in comparison when it comes to my vote for the worst movie of the year. Oliver Stone’s Alexander wins that prize. Despite some good battle scenes, this movie is so over the top and overly long that nothing can save it. Everyone’s talking about how no movie is looking to sweep the Oscars, but Alexander should be a lock to sweep the Razzies.

Patrick:
I agree with Scott that Torque was certainly one of the worst movies of the year. I would also add Eurotrip and The Day After Tomorrow to the list.

My choice for the number one most putrid movie of the year, however, has to be Flight of the Phoenix. A movie so incredibly stupid that Torque seems brilliantly written in comparison. Clearly this was not Dennis Quaid's finest year. Although he did prove what incredibly good shape he is in for a fifty year old man.

Looking back at the list of movies I saw during 2004, one thing is immediately clear. I didn't see nearly enough bad movies. So my resolution for 2005 is to see more cinematic garbage. Hopefully next year at this time I will have a much longer list of truly awful movies to write about.