My Dream Movie

Barbra Streisand would make a great Norma Desmond.

My dream movie is the big screen version of the musical Sunset Boulevard. For years now I have secretly hoped that Barbra Streisand would give us one more musical before she retires for good to the celluloid pasture. I can think of no better vehicle for her talents than to play the larger than life fading movie queen Norma Desmond. I think it would be the perfect bookend to Funny Girl.

The rest of the cast is easy. Give me Jack Nicholson as Max. This role would give him the hammiest part he's played since The Joker. Can't you just picture him with his monocle saying, "Madame was the greatest star of them all"? My second choice in case Nicholson is unavailable would be John Travolta. I think he and Streisand would make the perfect screen team in anything.

Matt Damon would be perfect in the William Holden role. He is the right age but is a big enough star to hold his own and he even possesses a passable singing voice as he demonstrated in The Talented Mr. Ripley. Besides Streisand has always had the best chemistry with her blonde costars like Robert Redford, James Caan and Ryan O'Neal.

In the role of the young girlfriend I see Claire Danes.

In my head I have tried out many different big name directors for this dream project. Originally I wanted Spielberg. After all he has never done a musical and reportedly he and Streisand are friends. But the more I thought about it the more he seemed wrong for the movie. The story is far too dark for him. I considered Oliver Stone but in his hands the whole thing would become a conspiracy. Then I thought Robert Altman, but the movie is not an ensemble piece. Tim Burton would be good at least as far as the sets and visuals but he lacks the necessary depth. I considered and dismissed several other choices before finally deciding on the perfect director, David Lynch. Now normally Lynch is not my favorite director. Not by a long shot in fact. But he embodies the perfect mix of old Hollywood glamour with something dark and perverse. And he has proven that he can do great work within a structured plot such as The Elephant Man, Dune and The Straight Story.

For the De Mille role I think Mickey Rooney would be a good choice. And I'll settle for any of the following as members of the wax works, Kirk Douglas, Doris Day, Elizabeth Taylor, Marlon Brando or Olivia de Havilland.

The thing about dream projects is you never know if they'll ever get made. But it sure is fun to think about. And be honest, wouldn't you go see this movie?